Hey Dad, We Haven’t Talked In A While

Hey Dad,

I know we haven’t had a chance to talk in a while. It even seems kind of silly, from my point of view, that I’d even write/talk to you, but it always feels like it might help, even if it’s just me writing to my version of you in my own head.

I miss you.

I miss talking on the phone with you for hours, and telling you about the cool, and not so cool things going on in my life.

I miss how you would coach me through things that were going wrong, until it felt like I had figured out the answers myself.

A lot has happened since you’ve been gone.

I stopped doing track. I know how much you loved to see me run. I just couldn’t go back to it. It always felt wrong that you wouldn’t be there to watch me race.

I got pretty good at that League of Legends game that I barely had the chance to tell you about. It filled a lot of my time. You probably would have liked watching the professionals play it.

I left the U of M and went to Red River for Creative Communications. I loved it. I remember you showing me the joint program when I was trying to decide where to go for university. I chose track, but I think you’d be really proud of me for going after the school program I had always been interested in.

I found out I was bipolar type 2.

There was a time after your heart attack that you were depressed, and you were really open with me about how you felt and how it was affecting your life. Thank you so much for that. I think it really helped me be able to talk so openly about when I wanted to end my life, and how I was feeling.

I feel a lot better now, most of the time.

I still have lows, but I have people and a system to stop them from becoming the lowest of lows.

I still wish you were here to be part of that system.

You’d like the place I’m working now.

SkipTheDishes.ca is a pretty swell place to work. I work with a great crew of people, with people above me who push me but also understand that I can have ups and downs. I’m really proud of the work I’m doing at Skip. Plus, you’d think that being able to order delivery from your favourite restaurants online is pretty rad.

You would have laughed at the plug I just made.

And I’m in love.

If there’s one thing I wish you were here to witness, it would be me completely in love with a smart, fun, and gorgeous girl.

And you even know her!

You’ve known Alex since her and I were both kids. I’m sure you’d have some solid dad jokes to make about the whole situation.

You would love the woman she’s grown up into. She makes me so happy.

That’s the short version of what I’ve missed sharing with you over the past four years.

There have been thousands of other things that I wish you could have been here for, phone calls and talks and moments I wish we could have had, but my life would be completely different if you were still here.

I would be on a completely different path.

So even though I’ll always miss you so much, I think I’m getting to the point where this life without you doesn’t seem so hard, because of all the wonderful people I’m surrounded by, and the life you’d be proud that I’m living.

I’ll talk to you later Dad.