Just A Dash Of Hope

I have two confessions to make.

The first is that I really enjoy My Little Pony.

The second is that I’m terrified of facing my upcoming diagnosis of whether or not I’m bi-polar.

It’s easy for me to be honest about loving My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. BECAUSE IT RULES. The characters are great, there are hilarious jokes, some extremely catchy and well put together songs, and great meta humor in the form of themed episodes. It’s fun to be a Brony. I enjoy challenging the stereotypes of what it means to be a man. I mean come on, Rainbow Dash can basically fly at Mach 10. That’s 7,800 miles an hour. SUCK IT NASA.

The second confession feels a little easier now that I’ve typed it out, but only because I keep telling myself over and over that it does.. I don’t know for sure if I’m any type of bi-polar. It certainly feels like I am. I’ve only slept for about 5 hours in the last couple of days and as I write this my brain still feels like it’s flying at the speed of a Sonic Rainboom. My psychologist appointment today will be part of the process of figuring things out.

The worst part about bi-polar isn’t the awesome high I’m feeling right now, but the depression that I cycle into. It’s tough getting myself together enough to go to school when I feel like I’m going to burst into tears, or worse, at any moment. September 10th was World Suicide Prevention Day, and I’d like to give a hug to whoever has ever felt like I ever have and still do on my down cycles.

I think the reason all of this is so scary isn’t because I’m experiencing the effects of something I can’t control, but because of the way I feel I SHOULD have to behave in public while I experience these things. Walking downtown or sitting in class while I’m underwater with my emotions always threatens to overwhelm me because of the face I feel obligated to present to everyone else.

I need to seem “normal”.

We all need to seem “normal”.

The pressure of being in the communications field just amplifies that need. I need to seem like things are interesting and awesome and that I’m happy or at least involved in what happens during my day. I need to at least give the appearance of being invested in my own life.

That’s why I love times like right now. Even though I’m scared about my appointment today, I’m wired and creative and driven, although I can be easily distracted. But at least I’m doing SOMETHING. It’s still weird to try and explain how I, and so many others feel.

If I had a broken arm, or something visible, people would rush over to me and want to sign my cast. It would be acceptable…it would be cool.

Mental health issues can make people want to run away. Whether it’s through lack of education or the simple stigma of someone being “crazy”, it makes people uncomfortable to talk about it.

I think that this TEDx talk by Kevin Breel expresses the feelings of many people facing mental health issues in a way that blew me away the first time I watched it. (It’s 11 mins of well spoken courage)

Kevin Breel is a 19 year old writer, comedian, and mental health activist. http://www.kevinbreel.com/ As a rising young stand up comedian in Canada, Kevin is also extremely involved in mental health work; actively speaking at schools and organizations. His activist work has garnered international media attention and has impacted the lives of thousands of young people in North America.

There is such a social stigma about mental illness that we can all work together to overcome. We need to make people with mental health issues feel like they can go about their struggle with support and love from their peers, instead of trying to hide it.

I know I’m not the only one.

I’m lucky to have amazing friends and family who make me feel comfortable enough to share my struggles with depression and possible bi-polar and have it not feel like I’m committing social suicide, although I’m pretty sure I’m pushing it by combining that with being a Brony.

But maybe we can all learn a little bit from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, especially when it comes to accepting, empathizing with, and supporting people as they try their best to get through each day.

Maybe with enough love and friendship, everyone can experience their own kind of Sonic Rainboom.